Being selfish versus being selfless is a good hamster-wheel-of-the-mind for spinning off confusion and guilt.
If you’re selfish, all you care about is your own needs.
If you’re selfless, your needs don’t enter the picture; you’re only here for others.
What if serving others meets your needs? What if being only selfish ultimately results in your own needs NOT being met?
That’s why one of my favorite teachers, Marshall Rosenberg, came up with the word self-full. His invention of this term is somewhat tongue-in-cheek, intentionally humorous. But also totally right-on.
Do you ever find yourself bouncing between the extremes of being a selfless doormat for others and then resenting it, and beating yourself up for being “selfish”?
It’s time to stop.
Just be self-full. Include and care for others’ needs AND your needs.