There’s a difference between being intelligent and being conscious.

It’s possible to be extremely smart, yet relatively unconscious.

I don’t care how smart you are.

Strive to be increasingly conscious.

Here is my top seven list of things to develop greater consciousness around:

1) Yourself. What makes you tick. Your needs and desires. Your unconscious habit patterns. Know thyself. At least so you can stop impacting the rest of us with what an asshole you are. (I’m sorry, am I projecting again?)

2) The people around you, their needs, their beauty, and their preciousness.

3) Nature. Even in a city, the signs of nature abound. Be more conscious of other beings as well as natural processes. Without nature we’re toast.

4) The preciousness of this moment. The miracle of being alive and of each breath. Albert Einstein wrote: “There are two ways to live- you can live as if nothing is a miracle, or you can live as if everything is a miracle.”

5) Gratitude. Make it your second nature to plug into appreciation and gratitude. Without suppressing your awareness of unpleasant realities, choose where to put your focus, and focus on positivity and gratitude.

6) Possibility. So much more is possible than that of which we’re aware. As Permaculture teacher extraordinaire Doug Bullock once said to my design class, “dream big and go for it!”

7) Humor. Cultivate lightheartedness, play, and fun. Quite taking yourself so seriously.

What are some other things that you would add to this list?

Post them below.

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A sure-fire recipe to not do something is to tell yourself you should.

Anything done out of “duty” or obligation, shoulds or have-tos, is not nearly as enjoyable, and can easily lead to resentment either of the task or of other people.

Instead, back off until you can connect to how it serves. How does it contribute to life? What Needs does it meet?

A simple example: doing the dishes.

You can do the dishes out of a should or a have-to, or a sense of obligation. The task quickly becomes a drag – creating tension in your mind and body – and you may even resent other people for it.

Or you can connect with how doing the dishes meets your needs for health and hygiene, or order and cleanliness; or how doing the dishes aligns with your values of being a contributing member of your household.

When you are connected with the needs it will be more fun.

The energy with which we do things is just as important as the action itself.

The cost of doing things out of shoulds and have-tos is too high.

Please quit shoulding on yourself!

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I don’t care how many times you’ve fallen off the horse.

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The geeks and geezers syndrome refers to the following, fascinating, cultural phenomenon:

The most likely demographic to be engaged in personal development work are people in their late teens and early-to-mid twenties and people approaching their 60s and older.

The period in between — the adult doldrums — tends to be characterized by much less of a focus on personal growth and transformation. Apparently, people just stop growing. At least in a focused intentional way.

Why?

You tell me.

I bet it has something to do with our culture of 9-to-5.

If you are of any age and intentionally engaged in your own personal development and evolution — but especially if you’re in your 30s or 40s — my hat’s off to you.

(If you’re in this last group, I’d like to hear from you. Why is it different for you? What is it like? What are the mindsets you’ve had to adopt?)Similar Articles:

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What is the relationship between creating positive change in the world and personal development?

From my perspective, each leads to the other.

Positive change work leads to personal development

In our efforts to make a difference or have an impact, we will run into our personal barriers: limiting beliefs about ourselves, or about the goodness of humanity, limits in our interpersonal skills or in our capacity to effectively handle change or a large volume of inputs. Our personal limitations will rise up and try to stare us down.

We can back down out of fear. Or we can avoid responsibility and blame circumstances, people, or institutions for our lack of effectiveness. But then we have missed an amazing opportunity for growth, and the possibility of making an even bigger difference.

A limiting belief

Some changemakers hold a disdain for working on ourselves because they see it as a distraction from “the important work.” But as I alluded to above, holding on to this belief keeps in the shadows the exact things that will help me make a bigger difference.

Personal development leads to positive change work

I’ve met people in the personal development space who come across as aloof or even disdainful of creating positive change in the world. This is some of what Terry Patten and Marco Morelli, co-authors of the book Integral Life Practice were getting at in their article Occupy Integral.

However, even a surface glance at the writings of the saints and mystics the world over and throughout the ages shows a strong emphasis on compassion and being of service.

Working on ourselves helps to expand our compassionate embrace to grow beyond just ourselves, our families, or people like us, to encompass all of humanity and beyond that other sentient beings. From a place of enormous purpose and compassion comes service.

A bigger issue of spiritual confusion

In Sex, Ecology, Spirituality philosopher Ken Wilber points out that for thousands of years there has been a war between two strands of spirituality: one “ascending” approach that emphasizes transcendence (Spirit is beyond this world), and a “descending” approach that emphasizes immanence (Spirit is everywhere, here-and-now).

His main point being that both are true and that a more integrated approach sees the value of both ascent and descent, both transcendence and immanence.

Embrace them both

Thus, the two wings of the positive change agent are “making a difference” and “becoming a better person.”

I work with people who have this dual commitment. My private coaching clients understand the importance of both.

In case you were thinking that one is more important than the other, think of them as two wings of a bird.

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Caterpillars spend a relatively long and stable phase of their lives as caterpillars and then also a relatively long and stable period as a butterfly.

But it is the time in the cocoon that is shorter and full of extraordinary transformation.

Biologists found that there are cells in the caterpillar’s body which are activated in the cocoon, called imaginal cells, around which the new tissue that will become the butterfly-body begin to form.

It is the spaces in between the imaginal cells that experience chaos and re-absorption.

Some people have used this as an analogy for social change.

There are organizations, places, and people which are like the imaginal cells of a new culture that is emerging on planet Earth. I think of Bellingham (in Washington State), the Netherlands, Findhorn (in Scottland), Auroville (in India), Earthaven Ecovillage (in NorthCarolina), YES! Magzine, Seth Godin, Integral Institute, and many others.

And there are places rife with chaos and pain, torn apart during this massive cultural transition. I think of Juarez (in Mexico), hate groups in general, Syria, and many individuals lost and confused.

If you are part of the fabric of the new culture, or seek to be, begin to weave yourself into the places and groups where you truly belong.Similar Articles:

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At the age of 20, a very wise Outward Bound instructor said to me:

“Alan, you have a good cognitive mind. But I suggest you get some direct experience first-hand through meditation.

I’m not here to sell you on my technique or tradition.

Actually you need to go out there and ‘shop around’ – pardon the expression…

…you may need to sit with a particular technique or tradition for a few years to see if it’s for you.”

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Sometimes I lay awake at night, my wheels turning.

I just can’t stop thinking about this or that — and then I remind myself: “What is my job RIGHT NOW – in this very moment?” (The answer late at night in bed is sleep or at least rest.)

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I’ve been working hard, building the “Blackbelt Communication Skills Coaching Program.”

This is an online program that will include about 50 training videos, monthly Q&A/Coaching calls, a live event (and a few extra surprises).

I’m very excited and I know this program will benefit many people!

But I realize the term Blackbelt may confuse a few.

In this case, the martial arts analogy refers to aikido more than karate or kung-fu.

Aikido is a martial art that is based, not on kicking somebody’s butt, but on neutralizing an attack in a way that preserves the integrity of both parties.

I’m a Certified Trainer in Nonviolent Communication^TM, a process that is based on both deep compassion and radical authenticity — basically a form of communication aikido.

When we enter intense, fragile, or high-stakes situations, having a high level of mastery in our communication skills produces results that are exceptional. It is this level of mastery that I want to make accessible to increasing numbers of people who want it.

I’ll be launching the Blackbelt Communication Skills Coaching Program in the next few weeks with some free training videos that are sure to surpass the popularity of my video titled How to DO Empathy!

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Projects begun but not completed, agreements made but not followed through with, these are all open loops.

Open loops are like airplanes that have taken off but not landed. We are in the control tower, and the more open loops we have, the more stress and distraction.

So land as many as you can. Close unnecessary open loops.

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